The enemy

Yesterday I was walking through the house, when I glanced out my window. Seven cows, one horse and a sheep were running along the fence line. Normally it would be a couple cows, the horse doing the chasing and the sheep trying to keep up. Instead it was the horse, the sheep and all the Dexter's in a tight group. This glance got my attention, and I took a second.

Small my five year old was the culprit. This short, skinny, half naked child was chasing the animals with nothing but a grin.

But to be fair, that ornery grin can get me to run as well.

Keep me and I'll Be ok

Last night I took Medium and Small to learn how to milk. They have been pestering me about this for a while now. But Small can be a handful, and I didn't want him startling the cows. Mama was up for milking, and she isn't a kicker when it comes to milking (do anything else, like brush the flies off of her however. . . ask husband) So we go our hot water and pail and headed out in the dark. They were excited about it.

Mama was in the barn, waiting, and as soon as she saw us, stood and entered the Stanchion. I had the boys go on the far side, where her udders were a little easier to draw from. And showed them what to do. Each boy grabbed hold of a teat and started squeezing, nothing happened. They were getting discouraged. I reached over and milked her down a bit, trying to make it a little easy. Suddenly there was a whoop of joy as both boys were able to get some milk flowing.

They were so happy about it. So I did what any good mother would do, I squirted them with milk. "EeEEWWW! It's warm!" ~giggle~ "MAAAHHM" Now they are determined to get better at it, so they can get me back. Medium has announced that he will be milking the cows at the Farmstead, that is the chore he wants. Small was so excited, when husband came in he told him all about it, except for me squirting him. Small says that when he gets grown up, he will do it all by himself. I love it when they learn something new and actually enjoy it.

My ramble yesterday was introspective, and I offered to talk about more positive things about myself today, in the comment section. There is just so many wonderful things about me that I don't know where to start. (should I wink here? ha!)

I do have some negative personality quirks, being more pessimistic than optimistic, but I do tend to be motherly toward friends that need it. I'll drop what I am doing for a friend in need. When husband and I lived in the city, his friends would show up in the middle of the night. All of them were junkies, but I would tend to them, and feed them. One time I woke as the sun just broke and saw a car sitting in our driveway. Snow littered the ground, and I saw someone huddled in it. It was one of husband's close friend. I was very pregnant at the time, and wobbled my way out with a heavy blanket, and carefully covered him. Then proceeded to make him a breakfast, which he shortly came in for.

I am a person that prefers to think the best in people. I got rid of many of husband's "friends" that I just knew were only using him for his drug hook-ups. But there were a few that I was never mean to, or threatened. And even though they were always high, there was just something there that I knew was good. All of them are clean now. It took them longer than husband, but the all grew up to be remarkable men.

I say grew up, but they are all older then me, I was only a teen at the time, and they were all in their 20's. But I was the responsible one at the time.

I am flaky, but I actually like that about myself. It has lead me to try new things. Unfortunately it has taken awhile to get to the point where I found something that I truly enjoy.

I can spin a good taradiddle. I could use work on my editing skills, but I enjoy words, I like putting words together in a way no one else has. Using imagery in a way that creates a picture rather than just print on a page. I kind of put my novel writing aside for now. Mainly the problem is I like getting to the point. The only criticism I have received about my novella's that have been sent to editors, is that it is a novella, and they don't sell. "You need to add another 30,000 words." And for those of you that don't know, I want to be a horror writer. Now you see why my butchering tales are so detailed, heehee.

I am always with my children. Now this might not sound like it should be on a list of positives. I mean you have kids, and you are suppose to be with them. Unfortunately there are too many mother's around us that prefer to pawn their kids off every chance they get. I will admit there are days I wish I could send them away, but I don't.

I am loyal to friends and my husband. It takes a lot of wrong doing for me to break off a friendship, and even if I haven't talk to someone for awhile, for various reason, I still will drop everything to help them out.

I adore my husband, even when he has done all kinds of wrong, I still melt from his kiss. I am fiercely defensive of him and back him in any plans he makes. I have always stood strong right next to him.

I am a good shot, with a gun, bow and knives, as well as some pool.

I am not afraid to work hard for what I want, I might complain about it, but I still do it.

Is that enough positive stuff? I'll give you guys a chance, what do you want to know about me?

Was I ever that Angry? a ramble

I know this is my blog and that I am allowed to write what I feel like. Unfortunately I don't feel that way. There are many things that intertwine in my daily life that I remain mute on the subject. Why would it belong on a homesteading blog? (hence starting the motorcycle blog)

Some ask that I tell my stories, others tell me to shut up. Some people like to give accolades while other prefer to kick. And I have my days were I take things too personally. And those days prompt me not to say certain things.

Right now we are between experiences. Going through the motions of a typical Kansas summer. I have a few options, stop writing daily, and only post when something new has happened on the homestead, repost older how-to's, or express my opinion. Today I feel more like chatting. I rarely feel a need to "chat". Talk without much substance. Most the time when I speak, there is a reason, and most the time it is a personal reason not easily shared.

Crowds make me uncomfortable. I can put up with them, but I much prefer talking one on one. I have spoken in front of crowds without vomiting or some such craziness. But lately I feel no need to do so (speak that is, not the vomiting part).

I don't want to come off as angry. Because truthfully I'm not. I am exhausted and for that reason I might come off as angry. I acknowledge that I have every right to be angry because of the situations that I have been placed into, either by myself or by others actions. But I am not, I am just tired. However, to be honest, I can get over the horrors quicker than a can the little cuts. Paper cuts burn!

I find that I am more rational, and clear headed when the serious stuff happens. But am not so stoic when I am singled out for whatever reason. This is my unfavorable personality quirk. We all have them, and some of us fault ourselves too much for it. I was told the other day that I am too hard on myself. And I readily accept that fact. Indeed it is something that I need to work on. I don't mind being hated, as long as I know the reason behind the attitude. I deal with many people that prefer to kick, and I will gently put up with it, but harp on their reasoning. "Know thine Enemy." ~shrug~

I tend to speak without thinking. I never go out of my way to intentionally hurt anyone. And it bothers me when my words are skewed into something else. But that is a price you pay when unintended parties hear your words. I have always been that way, and tend to be surrounded by people that like that aspect of me. Of course you would have to, to be able to put up with me for long. I take my freedom of speech seriously, and will say what I truly want, except here. A former popular homesteader that gave up blogging was similar to me. She told me once that it became too much. Too many people knew what she was having for dinner, and it started to get to her. That was why she stopped blogging. I was saddened to see her go. She had a wealth of knowledge that she was ready and willing to share. But there comes a point where the attacks become too much. Even if it is only one person doing the attacks.

She, like me, took things to heart.

I was just reading a blog that I enjoy. And it just got me thinking about the different fractions in life. He wanted to be understood, but because he was a republican he was getting lumped in with right-wing extremists. I went and read the blog he was talking about, and it was filled with anger and hate. And while reading it, I couldn't figure out why this person was so resentful towards anyone that had a conservative opinion. See, I don't like rat terriers. To be honest, they scare me a little. When I was younger a woman that lived down the road from us had seven of them. One day while walking home from school, I was attacked by the little beasts. Yes, I know, how much damage can those little ankle bitters do? A bit if they can get a hold of your ankles. But the biting wasn't the worst of it, the lose of control, the way they seemed bent on taking me down was what scared me the most. I tend to not own these dogs, but I don't give anyone grief that owns them. I own big dogs, because I feel safer, yet I know many people are frightened by my dogs. I don't fault them. And I don't go off, spewing vile images about rat terrier owners.

The post was mean, it was angry and she took it upon herself to declare that she was the spokes person for her party. But why? She just kept on accusing people of horrible things, never once did she qualify her statements. The one thing that was obvious, if you didn't agree with her, you were a terrorist. I walked away. What else was there to do? I could have misread the post, misunderstood what it was she was really talking about. I didn't take offence to it because I didn't see myself as one of those people she despised, even if I didn't agree with her. I didn't ask her to clarify anything because her readers were up in arms, and it wasn't a situation that I felt compelled to include myself in. Thus the reason I am not linking out to the post. I shouldn't say up in arms, because she is anti-gun, how about up in horse twitches as one of her readers says he uses.

We all have strong opinions about one thing or another. Sometimes we can openly discuss our opinions, and sometimes it is better to just walk away. And sometimes the editorial should remain private. I keep a lot of things in draft, because I feel no need to expose myself even more than I already have. Sometimes I let the drafts be published and wait for that one person to kick, to jump, to misread, or blatantly skew my words for an attack.

I feel that this blog should not just be about how-to's, but the emotional roller coaster that this life creates. And why should it not be? I do not hurt anyone intentionally, and never have I once appreciated derogatory remarks, or personal attacks. I read that woman's post and felt sorry for her. How can anyone have so much hate in them? I disagree with some people's views, but acknowledge that the person has the right to have such views. Sometimes those views are hate filled, and the response they get back are equally as hate filled. "I hate you because you hate them." It makes little sense to me, except that some people have an urge to hate.

I have always welcomed differing opinions. I have always enjoyed a good, decent debate. And sometimes, I just want to chat. No harm, no foul. I just hope that I was never as angry as she is.

No Rain, no rainbows

That saying makes me giggle every time I hear it. (long story)

Sometimes opportunities don't merely knock, they pound on the door. And if you take a moment to at least look through the peep hole, instead of cowering in the corner, you will lose it.

I can't talk about it just yet, but there might just be something pounding on my door, yelling through the thick wood, begging and pleading that I just look. I have looked, and it seems to be the opportunity that I have been wanting for a very very long time. It combines my love of cooking, homesteading and bikers. Now let's see what happens when the phone rings.

Of course the weatherman lied. Summer has arrived and we are looking at 100+ F for a full week. Good for my plants, bad for me.

We let the guineas outside to see the world, they wondered off. Not sure how they got out of the pen, but they did and they are quiet. I hear that they are loud, but my batch was mute.

The garden is looking good. I am a little worried about the tomatoes because the water doesn't seem to be draining off like it should. We will have to fix that. The squash plants are huge, but no flowers yet. I am so looking forward to this years harvest.

SPOON!

Ticks! Every where these tiny tiny ticks. It is enough to make one go mad.

We headed out to the farmstead yesterday. Took a few tools, but mainly we needed to look over the damage to the corral's. Husband and I spent a very long time clearing small trees and grandaddy poison ivy from around the stables.

Husband thinks a floor jack can be used to lift then swing the stable back onto it's stone foundation. One side of the stable has collapsed, so we are thinking about just taking that part down. The sides look like the were once a wooden railroad car, with a single long bolt running the entire length, tieing the entire thing together. But we think it can be saved.

We then worked on clearing out some of the taller stalky weeds from the graving area and the run. There is a fenced in path way the leads from the coral's to the back 47 acres just for cattle. Unfortunate the trees have grown through the barbed wire, and well, it is simply a mess.

We spent 5 hours doing this. Still feels like nothing was accomplished.

I was proud of my boys, they worked so hard without complaining for about 3 hours, not straight mind you, just in total. Small loved using the machete, well they all loved that part.

We are having a slight problem with husband's parents. They think we are throwing everything away by moving out there. They say there isn't opportunities for us out there, because we are in the middle of nowhere. Actually that isn't completely true we are about 30 minutes from several larger towns. Yes, nothing the size of Wichita, but still, there is work. They want us to stay at the homestead, decrease the cows, and keep struggling alone. The only feasible way we could stay here is to stop using propane, and for my husband to move in with a friend closer to work. It takes my husband 40 minutes to get to work currently, and propane heats everything, from water to food to air. It would be the basic same thing out there that it would be here, only we can grow and prosper and we will have no mortgage, no utility bills, no rent. The only thing we will be paying for is our own food, and hopefully that cost will decrease.

They also think that our boys will hate it out there. But we have already had the chat. Large knows what's up, and is fine with it. And I watched the boys yesterday, they seem very happy about it. Of course there will be times they hate it, they hate living here sometimes. That' s just the way kids are.

We were hot and tired, so we headed home. Just as soon as we walked in the door, the weather radio is going off. Looks like we left just in time, there were tornadoes at the farm! Tornadoes were popping up all over the state last night. We had some strong winds (hurricane cat. 1) and some hail and heavy rain. Nothing to be worried about. We lost power sometime last night, but by then we were already asleep.

Not much to say

Have been having issues getting online, someone changed my password.

Monday customer, please come by Tuesday, sorry.

Heading out to the farmstead in a bit.

See you guys tomorrow with something to actually say.