Was I ever that Angry? a ramble

I know this is my blog and that I am allowed to write what I feel like. Unfortunately I don't feel that way. There are many things that intertwine in my daily life that I remain mute on the subject. Why would it belong on a homesteading blog? (hence starting the motorcycle blog)

Some ask that I tell my stories, others tell me to shut up. Some people like to give accolades while other prefer to kick. And I have my days were I take things too personally. And those days prompt me not to say certain things.

Right now we are between experiences. Going through the motions of a typical Kansas summer. I have a few options, stop writing daily, and only post when something new has happened on the homestead, repost older how-to's, or express my opinion. Today I feel more like chatting. I rarely feel a need to "chat". Talk without much substance. Most the time when I speak, there is a reason, and most the time it is a personal reason not easily shared.

Crowds make me uncomfortable. I can put up with them, but I much prefer talking one on one. I have spoken in front of crowds without vomiting or some such craziness. But lately I feel no need to do so (speak that is, not the vomiting part).

I don't want to come off as angry. Because truthfully I'm not. I am exhausted and for that reason I might come off as angry. I acknowledge that I have every right to be angry because of the situations that I have been placed into, either by myself or by others actions. But I am not, I am just tired. However, to be honest, I can get over the horrors quicker than a can the little cuts. Paper cuts burn!

I find that I am more rational, and clear headed when the serious stuff happens. But am not so stoic when I am singled out for whatever reason. This is my unfavorable personality quirk. We all have them, and some of us fault ourselves too much for it. I was told the other day that I am too hard on myself. And I readily accept that fact. Indeed it is something that I need to work on. I don't mind being hated, as long as I know the reason behind the attitude. I deal with many people that prefer to kick, and I will gently put up with it, but harp on their reasoning. "Know thine Enemy." ~shrug~

I tend to speak without thinking. I never go out of my way to intentionally hurt anyone. And it bothers me when my words are skewed into something else. But that is a price you pay when unintended parties hear your words. I have always been that way, and tend to be surrounded by people that like that aspect of me. Of course you would have to, to be able to put up with me for long. I take my freedom of speech seriously, and will say what I truly want, except here. A former popular homesteader that gave up blogging was similar to me. She told me once that it became too much. Too many people knew what she was having for dinner, and it started to get to her. That was why she stopped blogging. I was saddened to see her go. She had a wealth of knowledge that she was ready and willing to share. But there comes a point where the attacks become too much. Even if it is only one person doing the attacks.

She, like me, took things to heart.

I was just reading a blog that I enjoy. And it just got me thinking about the different fractions in life. He wanted to be understood, but because he was a republican he was getting lumped in with right-wing extremists. I went and read the blog he was talking about, and it was filled with anger and hate. And while reading it, I couldn't figure out why this person was so resentful towards anyone that had a conservative opinion. See, I don't like rat terriers. To be honest, they scare me a little. When I was younger a woman that lived down the road from us had seven of them. One day while walking home from school, I was attacked by the little beasts. Yes, I know, how much damage can those little ankle bitters do? A bit if they can get a hold of your ankles. But the biting wasn't the worst of it, the lose of control, the way they seemed bent on taking me down was what scared me the most. I tend to not own these dogs, but I don't give anyone grief that owns them. I own big dogs, because I feel safer, yet I know many people are frightened by my dogs. I don't fault them. And I don't go off, spewing vile images about rat terrier owners.

The post was mean, it was angry and she took it upon herself to declare that she was the spokes person for her party. But why? She just kept on accusing people of horrible things, never once did she qualify her statements. The one thing that was obvious, if you didn't agree with her, you were a terrorist. I walked away. What else was there to do? I could have misread the post, misunderstood what it was she was really talking about. I didn't take offence to it because I didn't see myself as one of those people she despised, even if I didn't agree with her. I didn't ask her to clarify anything because her readers were up in arms, and it wasn't a situation that I felt compelled to include myself in. Thus the reason I am not linking out to the post. I shouldn't say up in arms, because she is anti-gun, how about up in horse twitches as one of her readers says he uses.

We all have strong opinions about one thing or another. Sometimes we can openly discuss our opinions, and sometimes it is better to just walk away. And sometimes the editorial should remain private. I keep a lot of things in draft, because I feel no need to expose myself even more than I already have. Sometimes I let the drafts be published and wait for that one person to kick, to jump, to misread, or blatantly skew my words for an attack.

I feel that this blog should not just be about how-to's, but the emotional roller coaster that this life creates. And why should it not be? I do not hurt anyone intentionally, and never have I once appreciated derogatory remarks, or personal attacks. I read that woman's post and felt sorry for her. How can anyone have so much hate in them? I disagree with some people's views, but acknowledge that the person has the right to have such views. Sometimes those views are hate filled, and the response they get back are equally as hate filled. "I hate you because you hate them." It makes little sense to me, except that some people have an urge to hate.

I have always welcomed differing opinions. I have always enjoyed a good, decent debate. And sometimes, I just want to chat. No harm, no foul. I just hope that I was never as angry as she is.