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Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Tax and consequence

I do learn from mistakes. I am not insane, though some may argue crazy, but insanity isn't one of my quirks. I also tend to accept the consequences of my actions. 

The shop is on a quarterly tax plan. Meaning every three months, I fill out a form for the State of Kentucky and pay what I owe. This is enlightening in many ways. I keep books, but hadn't paid real attention to how much we actually made. For the last three months, we were living on less than $75 a month. That is how much we had for food for five plus pets, gas and mortgage. We find ourselves in a frustrating loop. We must have the shop to make a living, but we can barely live. The shop has picked up in business, but it is too late.

Our planning was bad. We put trust in people that we shouldn't have. We lost the Neophyte Homestead on promises, we are unable to find second jobs, though we have applied as far away as Huntington, WV.  Now we face even more consequences.

I have failed. I apologize, but it is the truth. We are unable to survive here. (Financially)

I don't know what we do from here. But this blog is on hiatus until further notice. There are years upon years of knowledge, mistakes, recipes and how-tos if you look around. 

When we decide what happens, I will let you know. Right now I am in mourning, and not the best person to be around. I put on my big girl panties every morning to deal with the world. My blog is where I find solace, it has always been cathartic. But lately it has felt like I have had to hide some things that have been happening. That to open up as I have done in the past will bring about even more trouble, criticisms, and backlash.  

There are so many things I wish to share, not just to vent, but to remember when I finally am subdued by the brain damage and forget, so my boys know what truly went on when I can no longer recall, and so we can learn through my mistakes as I have always put forth. 

I know exactly what we did wrong, we didn't fully do our research, we didn't plan the move correctly, and we moved too soon. We allowed our excitement and love for the land to override logic. 

We tried. We tried our damnedest to make this work. We are drowning, and there is no life guard on duty.

I am asking for nothing. It gets exhausting being accused of trying to get things out of people every time I have bad news to share. Yet another reason I no longer feel comfortable sharing as much as I once did. Your good thoughts, positive vibes, well wishes and prayers do us a world of good.

Thank you.

21 comments:

Katy Allene said...

Phelan,
My heart breaks for you. And there are no words that I can say to make it better. I can tell you I think of you and your family often, send good thoughts and well wishes. But that really doesn't help the situation. I truly believe that sometimes God has plans for us and we ignore the signs pointing us in that direction. So God might gently (or not so gently) nudge us in that direction. So I chose to believe that there is something out there that God is pointing you to. Please keep us in the loop - those that follow you for the right reasons will never judge you. And you might teach us a thing or two. Good luck with everything. I believe in you and God does, too.

Marion Reid said...

It's not how many times you fall, but how many times you get up that matter... so you have to move back to civilization now... it doesn't necessarily mean forever, and it doesn't necessarily mean you have to give up everything about the homesteading life style.

Take what you've learned from this and apply it to what happens next.

Your boys will learn an awful lot from how you handle big setbacks. Probably more than if you had had a glorious success on the first go.

This too shall pass. Thank you for sharing your journey!

Judy said...

Prayers, kiddo. God has closed this door. May you find that window He has opened up for you.

kymber said...

so many prayers being sent your way. i am so sorry for all of this. i am always here.

your friend,
kymber

Rob said...

This is sad but it happens... We all gamble & sometimes we lose.

I don't have any answers but I do know you're going to have to stand up, dust yourself off & start walking again.

This isn't a failure, it's a learning experience & you now have new opportunities.

I'm living in an RV & workcamping, from what I have seen there are jobs all over the place these days. Not just the fast food places either.

Explore your options, they are there.

When you come back to the blog I'll be here to read what you write. If you have any questions about jobs I've seen in my travels drop me a line.

Good luck!

longtime wife said...

I am sending you a message. I think what about looking up my way. there are jobs, there are bike shops, the economy is much better here than many places. Look for a message from me

DFW said...

I am so sorry to hear this Phelan. I have high hopes that things will all turn out for the best in the end, althought it doesn feel that way right now. Good luck & prayers to help you make the right decisions.

Phelan said...

We haven't lost the holler, yet. The Neophye Homestead is the land in Kansas. We ended up walking away from it.

As for jobs. We have sent applications and resumes every where, not matter what the job is for. Telemarketing, brick making, smelting, mechanicing. We have gone to three temp agencies, and one placement program. They said there was nothing, not even janitorial work. I know there are jobs all over the country, but this area has been by passed.

Thank you for your well wishes.

Anonymous said...

Very sorry to hear the news, but don't give up yet -- there's got to be some type of government program that can help; check with your county social aid service to see what benefits you may be eligible for -- your tax dollars have been paying for other folks to avail themselves, so you do it too; check to see if you are eligible for Social Security disability because of your medical issues -- don't just assume you are not eligible, check it out. How about writing a book about all of your knowledge? Check with various publishers. Wish you well. Will miss reading the blog.

Carol said...

Sending you and yours all sorts of love and energy.

We did this program here in Ohio - we had 15 months of our mortgage paid. It was a godsend.
http://protectmykyhome.org/Pages/default.aspx

SciFi Chick said...

I am here if you want to talk or scream or whatever it is if you just need to vent. I've been praying for you guys every day and will keep on doing it. Please don't give up. Something is bound to shake loose even if it isn't exactly what you want. I've been reading between the lines and truly, I think I know how hard all this has been on you. Hang on girl and I'm always just a phone call away.
Much love to you and yours,
Sci

mizdeb said...

Come to Texas! Jobs abound!

Moonwaves said...

I'm so sorry to hear things aren't going well, or at least not going well at the pace you need them to get better. I don't have anything to offer at the moment (even if you didn't ask) but I recently found some prize bonds that were given to me years ago. They haven't won anything for the past 14 years but if a big prize comes up, I'll be in touch. :)
Even if you don't want to blog, don't stop writing if it helps you to sort it all out. You have my email, I think, so if you write better when someone else will be reading it feel free to make use of it. If you did email me, I'd probably even read it. :) Stay strong and don't let the buggers get you down. Take care.

carol anne said...

Phelan you are in my prayers. I don't have any words of wisdom just my sincere wish for everything to come together and work out for you and your family.

FancyHorse said...

I'm always thinking of you and praying for you and your family.

If you need to make your thoughts private, create another journal/blog and don't share it. Just keep it for yourself to share with your husband and sons and perhaps selected friends.

Jess (Ozark Momma) said...

Understand the need for a break to wrap your head around the situation. But please do not give up hope, unless you've stopped breathing it is not the end. You know this, deep down. You've got to keep plugging away...to give up is not really in your nature, is it?

The new-ness of it all and the shock of seeing it on paper makes it feel worse, I know.

I also know that Husband traveling abroad (aka out of KY) for work would put more of the homestead stuff on you and the boys, but has he considered a season in the northern oil fields (aka Dakota...doesn't have to be on a rig, lots of openings for all kinds of jobs)? Or perhaps looking in the Bowling Green area? Big Harley outfitter and lots of bike shops there, lots of factory jobs, rent on places out of the city isn't bad. Just some random thoughts.

Donna said...

I can identify. I have been there, although not in such a dire situation. I am going to try and put my thoughts together and tell you how we handled it, blow by blow. I will tell you that we put our tails between our legs and returned to the same vicinity we left. I hope to get my thoughts together and share privately on Facebook.

Practical Parsimony said...

I am so sorry. I never thought you were trying to get money out of people. I know you still have the holler now. I thought you had lost it. There are programs to help you with the mortgage there. Ask around.

I am assuming you want work where you are. There are many jobs in the auto industry in AL. Plus, motorcycle shops seem to thrive here.

You did not fail. You just learned one thing that does not work. If you need anything, call 211 for a list of resources in your area.

Sandy said...

Phelan,

It's hard starting over in a new place, new town, with a new business. Getting established doesn't always happen right away especially in small towns.

Hang in there sweetie, good things will come, were sending prayers your way.

kath said...

Phelan, I'm so sorry things aren't working out better for you. You should definitely look into programs to help you salvage whatever you can. I, like a lot of other people have also mentioned, think about you guys often and pray for your success. Don't give up, it will come! Think about all of the people who were successful because they didn't give up when things got tough. Thomas Edison once said about the light bulb, "I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that do not work." It's a learning curve right now and not too many people do what you're doing, but with this economy being so bad and jobs becoming harder to find, I promise you that more people will be forced to try it.
Please keep writing! Maybe not the blog, but at least a journal that maybe you can publish someday as a book. Sort of as a how-to guide for anyone thinking that homesteading is a romantic notion. Your 'adventures' will be a perfect guide for them (for all of us, really). Also, check out some freelance writing job boards and see if there is any paid work there.
This has been such a roller coaster for you guys. I hope things settle down soon.

longtime wife said...

I wonder, PA is so close, and we have so much of the oil and gas well business going on here. Not to mention lots of harley shops. there are jobs for you too. Our cost of living is pretty good, and we have excellent health care for kids with low income.
Keep a journal as it will help you to look back and see how far you have come. I truly believe you will make it, you just may have to find an unusual way of making it work.

Hugs hun

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