On the Eve

It was easy to tell that the weather would turn vicious that day, even without a television or radio. As I had my morning coffee and looked out my back window, I could clearly see two large round bales sitting unattended. Usually at that time of morning I would be watching a food possessed horse, chewing with her head down, almost buried in the hay ring, her ears flat back, and her rump moving from side to side where ever she thought a thieving cow might be trying to sneak up behind her to steal a bit to eat. But she wasn’t there. No were the several black cows that would crowd each other out or the larger horned cows shaking their heads threateningly at each other or the lone sheep. Neither did I see our strawberry and white mother and daughter shyly trying to grab a mouthful, or laying off in the distance, lounging and waiting. There was no one, not even the bothersome goats that bleat half the day as if their heads were stuck in the fence. The field sat empty, save for those bales.

My thought immediately turned towards the paranoid. Did a gate go unlocked? Did the children leave the front gate open? But then I saw a backside of black peaking around the barn as a heifer drank from the cattle tank. All the animals had taken to the barn. This is something that is highly unusual around here. If there is freedom to be had, this homesteads animals will take it. Husband had mentioned something about a blizzard approaching. Western Kansas was looking at getting over a foot of snow. But here they were only calling for a trace to two inches. What kind of blizzard would that be? What ever it’s type, husband had obviously had a chat with the cattle before he left for work that Christmas Eve morning. I had other things to worry about than the cattle being cowardly.

The radio mutedly sang Silent Night, or Noel, or Jingle Bell Rock, at the sound level it was at, and the “modernized" soft Jazz versions of these all start to sound the same, I lit my hand rolled cigarette and refilled my coffee and hide away is a very cold and isolated room with pen and paper. A list had to be made. There was so much to be done. It was Christmas Eve after all, and it was expected that I perform in a certain way. Every year there were certain things that were wanted/needed/demanded of me from every one, or so it seemed. The boys had lost their stocking from last year, and just now discovering this, new one’s had to be made. Cookies, pies, cards, and presents all had to be finished. I needed to clean my house and do laundry. I crumpled the list, and tossed it aside. I didn’t want to see a visual reminder of my so called responsibilities. I put the smoke out and walked through the house to heat up my coffee. Then to the bathroom, with a small load of laundry. It was then I discovered that the hot water line had froze. This I found interesting, almost comical, for the cold water line was still running just fine. I went ahead and did the laundry in cold well water, my hands slightly pink from the numbness as I finished. Luckily the oven flames were waiting for me as I returned for hot coffee.

The boys finally woke, this their second day of a two week vacation. I left them with steaming hot bowls of customized oatmeal and spiced milk and went outside for morning chores. The morning sun had done little to warm up the air, and my exposed finger tips stuck to the metal of the gated doorway as I went to feed the chickens. The poor things, watching them frantically pace as I approached one would think I hadn’t feed them in days. The hens are ever so happy to see my that they peck at my feet as soon as I step inside with. I can feel the love. Morning chores were finished and the oven’s flames waited.

I still wasn’t in the mood to feel pressured, or overly stressed out by what I need to do that day. I already felt enough of it, as I didn’t have enough money to purchase all the ingredients needed for the pies that were requested of me. Maybe if they were customers and money would be coming into the picture I would have tried harder to get the ingredients. But now, instead of 4 different pies there would only pie one, maybe two if I was in the mood. But that morning, only 1 pie was on my mind and not any other. I sat down, the radio still playing sanitized for your protection Christmas songs. The boys had run off to find material to use for stockings, and I got to work on some hand stitching. And as sewing is not something I do very often, tiny droplets of blood soon erupted on my thumb. I sucked them, and returned to the work. This had to be done by that night, I had little choice if I wanted to have a gift for the newest member of my husbands family. Suddenly the house felt like it moved. The wind picked up and slammed against our mobile home, not only was it screaming outside, but whistling inside, through whatever small holes, gaps or cracks it could find.

The temperature drop a few degrees were I was sitting. The storm that husband had warned the cattle about had arrived. I looked outside to see young trees bending over as snowflakes the size of half dollars whipped around them. I no longer thought that the cattle were being cowardly. A chorus of “MOMMY! IT’S SNOWING!” and a flurry of boys racing down the hall, assaulted me. Of course, boys being what they are decided that it was time to get out their snow suits and run around the newly fallen snow. I warned them that the winds were strong, and the temp's were low, but that was nothing to them. It was adventure time. I sent them off and began cleaning, I decided to ignore the almost too late to finish Christmas present.

The boys were back inside within a few moments. Their noses red and runny, there cheeks on the frostbite side of red, and their eyes pink with wind whipped tears. “too cold” was the only words that any one of the three would speak, and those came hesitantly from the oldest. Hot cocoa was dispersed to the freezing to death drama kings as they whinned and moaned about no longer feeling their fingers. I thought they felt fine to me. No one found that funny.

I would not be attending Christmas Eve with my husband or boys. I would be staying home while they went to husband’s family’s house. I am not wanted there. For you see I am the teenage tramp that my husband just happened to knock up, and after 13 years, and 3 children, that’s all I still am to them. My husband’s gift to me this year was that I could stay at home. And even though that was the only gift I would be getting from him, it was the best one I have ever received. I still however was hand making presents for his family, knowing full well that they wouldn’t be appreciated. One or two would be cherished, husband’s nieces would at least get a kick out of them, but the adults. . . well no point in going into all that unpleasantness. I worked what some might consider feverishly. Still stabbing myself on occasion with that little needle, but not getting any blood on the toys, while my children hounded me to make them food. They know how to make a sandwich,however it never tastes as good as when it is made by your mother. Food was made, another room was cleaned, more laundry washed in freezing cold water, and dishes ignored. The snow continued to pile up against the house.

Husband left work early, a Christmas present from his boss. Before he got home, I donned my leather’s, and boots and went to retrieve the mail. I left the front gate open because I didn’t want to argue with it and the wind. Soon I discovered that snow hitting you in the face at 50 mph is slightly painful. I thought I would never get away from those needle stabs. As soon as I stepped back into the house, husband pulled into the driveway. I refilled my coffee cup, and poured my husband a fresh mug, with enough sugar in it to kill a large dog. Husband opened the door in a grand entrance, the wind catching the fiberglass/Styrofoam and aluminum rectangle flinging it open, announcing his arrival. He bypassed the coffee, as he smuggled the bag of cheap stocking stuffers under his leather (coat).

There was a change in our evening plans. Husband’s sister had called, the entire family, except for us, had canceled due to the weather. Husband still wanted to go to his sister’s, she was only a 15 minute drive from our house. And because it would only be our two families I decided to go ahead and go. Our presents to them were very well received, and I was grateful to them for that. We ate well, a traditional Christmas meal. We laughed and held the new baby girl. The evening was going well. And the entire time the wind howled and the snow deviled around the small house.

Heading home was an adventure unto itself. The weatherman declared an official blizzard, and that everyone should stay off the roads. But we, we live a little too dangerously at times, and wanted to be able to sleep in a bed, and to keep a watchful eye out on our beloved animals. I for one didn’t want to be trapped at my in-laws. We started home, the side roads covered with snow devils twirling in front of us. The boys awed at the sight. We hit the main road, as main as it is, it is still not salted, sanded nor plowed, the wind for the most part, kept the snow from piling up where there were no trees. The dark pavement was covered it what could only be described as newly formed lace. The shiny, pure virgin lace that one would pay good money for. We hit open prairie and could no longer see past the hood of our car. We crept along, following, and being followed by several other cars, until suddenly we came to our turn off, the dirt roads, and then home. I fought the wind and the snow as I opened the gate, and then pulled it clumsily shut. Tying it tightly and praying that it would stay that way through the night. Once inside, we warmed by the stove, and talked of Santa.

I must remember to write a Thank you Letter to NORAD. For that night a child that was feeling left out, and not sure weather or not he should continue to believe in Santa, rediscovered a joy that I had been missing in him. My middle son became the vigilant seeker of Santa Clause. He announced to us every time Santa was in a new place, his eyes lit up, his smile was huge, and his enthusiasm made my heart sing. I was rushed into making cookies, peanut butter cookies as I was informed that I do those the best. Letters for Santa were hastily written and then burned, so that the smoke would ride on the nights special wind, then slide down into Santa's pocket and reform as a unharmed letter. “KANSAS!” Santa was in Lawrence Kansas, it was time for the two that were still awake to go to bed. A quick Christmas story was read, candles were lit, cookies and milk where set out, and a single candy cane left on the tree, and boys were sent to sleep. My husband and I waited a bit before the pogo stick, the marble maze and a thick novel were set out by the boys homemade stockings of long Johns. The stocking's were stuffed with trinkets and candies, then we too went to sleep. We knew that Santa would be there to wake the boys before the sun did. We slept with visions of smiles and laughter dancing in our heads.

We drove through this

Twas the night before Christmas. . .

A Visit From Saint Nicholas by Clement Moore

ILLUSTRATED FROM DRAWINGS By F.O.C. Darley.

Twas the night before Christmas,when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her kerchief,and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap—

When out on the lawn there rose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter,
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon, on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of mid-day to objects below;
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny rein-deer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On! Comet, on! Cupid, on! Dunder and Blitzen—
To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall!
Now, dash away, dash away, dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So, up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With a sleigh full of toys—and St. Nicholas too.
And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack;
His eyes how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry; His droll little month was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke,
it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face, and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly. He was chubby and plump—a right jolly old elf;
And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle;
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!" more Christmas stories available free at Project Gutenburg

And Hippopotamuses Like me too!

Now a few years ago, my brother was dating a woman from Argentina. She casually mentioned to us, that in Argentina, the people think all Americans smell like Hamburger. I of course found this just great, and told all my friends, asking my non-American friends if they too thought that. One of my American friends was very paranoid about it when she arrived in Ireland. I must say the phone call that followed (beside everyone being drunk) was just too funny.

I know, you are now wondering why on Earth I would bring this up. Well I have a good reason, and I am about to show my ars. . .I mean American stupidity that we are all so well known for.

Do the Irish all smell like Irish Spring Soap?


hahaha!


Two wonderful friends, Sir Roy and yokospungeon (their real names, seriously, giggle) and their gorgeous daughter Lilly made me some homemade soap.

hope you can see all the detail that went into it.


I love it!

They live in Ireland (oh and Sir Roy, I still have that Christmas card that your wife so lovingly sent out a few year ago. It goes up every year.)

I couldn't smell anything through the plastic it was sent in. So I opened it up and...

Irish Spring! How freakin' cool is that.

Of course this is me being naive about what scent Irish Spring really is. And this soap smells better than the store bought stuff. Husband said maybe the water smells that way, and they hate it so much that they send it to the Americans. haha!

So we had a fabulous time talking about hamburgers and springs.

But Sir Roy, Yoko and Lilly. Thank you! I love the soap, and the timing (not just Christmas) is spot on.

Hope you have lots of Craic on Christmas day!

Depression gift, Squishy Blocks

If you have a sewing machine, you can whip this up in no time at all.

First you need 6 squares of fabric, all the same size. Then they need to be sewn together like this.





Finish off the blocks, by sewing them into cubes, flipping it right side out and stuffing it. Sew the last opening together. If you hand stitch as horribly as I, you can hide it with yarn outlines.

If you have time, and the know how, you can stitch in your own pattern. Here is my butterfly.

I didn't have a hoop, so husband made me one out of a peanut can container. I do so adore him.

And the finished project should look some what like this (if not better)


I still have several more to finish up. But I think the two new babies in our family will eventually enjoy them.

Dog update

Give me a moment and I will compose myself.


They will be keeping him for 10 days. If I want him back, it will be $700.

He is 14 years old, his hips are starting to hurt. He has lost a lot of his teeth. We will let him go.

I saved him from being put down 8 years ago. I gave him 8 more years of life that he wouldn't have already had.

He's a good boy.


deleted. I was responding to a nasty email. But ya know, it doesn't really matter. You guys are great. Thank you for understanding

Can it get any better?

Yesterday husband and horse neighbor went and picked up 3 bales. He has a hay spike and I told him what happened to me, so he offered to pick up a few before the blizzard hits.

Husband was backing up the truck, hay son started yelling for him to stop, then move forward. Husband was a little slow on the draw. Our puppy had chased a field mouse under the truck and her paw was now stuck under the wheel.

Horse neighbor was trying to help her, and I guess our older dog Link, thought that he was hurting her, so he bit him. Bad.

4 puncture wounds on the back side of his upper thigh. Link wouldn't let go for what seemed to be the longest time.

Horse neighbor wanted to shoot him. I don't blame him one bit. I have never had a dog bite some one, and at 14 years old, Link has never bitten anyone.

Horse neighbor went to the ER, got some pain meds, and a cleaning, no stitches, but he has to take it easy on that leg for about a month.

The county will be out today to take Link. More than likely he will be killed because of this. Horse neighbor says he will try to prevent that from happening. He likes Link, and knows him to be a very loving dog. But Link messed up and will probably pay for it with his life.

We don't have the money to pay to keep him from getting killed. We told hose neighbor that we would help pay his medical, but they declined.

So for Christmas this year, I get to watch my dog get dragged away.

Stay tuned for a happy post in a few moments.

Thinking on being grateful

It's nice to be cathartic at times, but it is even better to be reminded of the happier things.

We still laugh as a family all the time.

I have wonderfully smart, imaginative boys

I only lose 1 reader when I talk about the bad stuff rather than 10.

We have enough money to keep our home, to feed everything and every body.

We are warm, even at -17F

I have family, friends and readers that share my life with the same (if not more) enthusiasm as I

I have an incredible support system (see above)

I am grateful for not only my triumphs but my tribulations. I learn so much from both.

I am amazingly thankful for my husband's boss, who has allowed us to borrow his car for almost a year now as we slowly rebuild our truck's engine. (If you need some bike work done and you just happen to be passing through Kansas, Broadway Street Bikes in Haysville is were to go)

I am grateful that I have my father's stubbornness.

I get to spend the Holidays with my family.

I am thankful that after 13 years, my husband's kiss still makes me weak in the knees.

Husband's touch still gives me goose bumps.

I am grateful that he doesn't snore. He can't say the same.

I am thankful that even though we are struggling in life at this time, that I have everything I need to survive.

I appreciate my husband and everything he does for me.

I appreciate my children and everything they try to do.

I am thankful that I still have my words, and my memories.

And I am thankful to all of you that take time out to stop by and see what is going on in my little part of Kansas.

edited to add; My hay guy! He rocks! ha!

What's going on

Shortly I will be doing the I am grateful and most memorable moments of 2009. Before such a post comes to be, I thought I would let you know what is going on. Many of the things I am about to mention have been going on for months, and I should get some kind of credit for not gritching about it as of yet. But this is a journal, a mundane one, and these things are a part of my life.

2 years ago I bought a new GE washer and dryer set. The washer is now no good. I bought an extended warranty, but not the extended extended warranty. The pump that pulls the water out of the machine won't work. And the part to replace it costs almost as much as the washer itself did. I will never buy another GE product again.

We have been washing our clothes in the bath tub.

We still don't have any heater duct work in the house. Every time we think we have enough money to do so, something comes up and that money is gone. The stove has been keeping us warm enough.

Speaking of money. I forgot about a $17 check that I wrote 4 months ago. I ASSUMED that it had already cleared and all that jazz. So my $17 mistake turned into a $280 mistake with over draft and the extra fees for not putting more money in the account within a few days. We closed the account.

The bank set our mortgage to one of their subsidiaries. The letter I received said I didn't have to change anything if I already paid online. I paid my bill as I always do, and it cleared the bank and now the subsidiary says that we haven't paid. gggrrrr.....

I am going to get a vet out here to look at Edie. She won't gain any weight and it is worrying me.

Right now the price for my cattle is only about $600. Selling isn't justifiable, but butchering might be. I would make more money selling the beef then selling them at weight. Not something we wanted to do just yet, but it has to be thought about. Once again, we are just trying to hold out for spring.

Our hay guy pulled 22 bales for us (6 months worth) and told us not to worry about paying right this moment. Pay when we can or wait until income tax return time. Speaking of which I just say my husband's SS statement, and he is bringing home less than half of what he was. ouch. no wonder we are struggling. We were living below our means when he was making the big bucks (ha) but now that below is above our means. And we just do the basics of basics. No cable or going out, no extra food stuff, no new clothing (I have been learning to sew) no phone, no Internet, and it still seems like we can't catch a break.

Here's to the New Year being prosperous. We have been working on some things that will hopefully turn everything back around for us. Fingers crossed.