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Thursday, January 12, 2012

Candles and guns

Apparently those of us that decided to put up photos of our guns with a lit candle upset a good many people. I have been reading about it on and off for the last few days over on Weer'd World. Then I read an open letter by Sarah on Cranky Chicks with Guns. 

I guess I could always put my two cents in.

Once upon a time I was a young girl, and a victim of a violent crime. Not many in my life know about this. Because I survived it and no longer consider myself a victim. I was, yes. And I don't bring it up, and talk about it in conversations.  It was 20 years ago, and now I have no qualms about pulling a gun out on a man that just walks into my house, because he knows Husband is away. I don't know what that man's intentions were, but I am guessing that it was more than just to take a house tour. I had young children in the house as well. He heard my dogs, and saw my rifle, he ran. And I was safe.

But  about  20 years ago (I was 14 he was twice my age) it was a different story. Candles lit in honor of my victimage is not appreciated. Candle light vigils have their place, just not in mine.

 I thought I was in a safe place, I thought him sweet and kind. He lit candles to be romantic and we talked. He wasn't a stranger.

The lit candles in the room didn't save me from his savage beating when I didn't want to give him head.  The lit candles didn't rescue me when I screamed for help as he used his knife to cut and shred my clothing. The candles didn't comfort me when I gave up fighting and merely cried through the pain. The candles flickered and died as the scene repeated itself.

 I loathe this story. I hate remembering it. Even so I will not cower and play victim. 


Odysseus said...

This type of story breaks my heart every time I hear a story like this.

I weep that to produce human beings scores of h.sapiens animals who refuse to chose humanity seemingly must exist to plague us.

Phelan said...

I don't tell the story because I don't like the pity looks. This is the first time I have told it, in a public setting, and I have actually downplayed it.

Young girls should be taught to use guns, and carry knives.

johnnyb said...

Good for you!! Our 13 y/o granddaughter has been shooting since she was a little tyke. It doesn't hurt a bit.

Phelan said...

I am pleased to hear that John.

I have been thinking, my story means little in the grand scheme of things. It will not change the minds of those that wish us to stay victim. I learned to use knives after this happened. I had no access to guns, even though my mother was secretly carrying one (which at the time was illegal to do so).

I was raised in a Marxist household. My little brothers weren't even allowed to play with toy guns as it promoted gun violence. Most of these anti-gun people have the same mindset that I was raised on. They want to be able to drag women like me around with them, making us their poster children to stop violence. They want us to be victims, to never grow healthy. Because if we were healthy, we would do more then merely protect ourselves with rape whistles and mace. That we would actually gain more control over our lives, and pick up a gun to protect ourselves and our families.

I truly believe that they fear a woman's Independence. Because that would mean they wouldn't be needed.

Bob from Athens said...

Your husband is one fortunate man and your kids. Everyone needs a solid anchor in their lives to hang on to and your family has a damn good one !! There are way too many people around, both male and female, that seem to enjoy being the victum. Those that refuse to be victums have my total admiration and respect.

Judy said...

Three cheers for you, for not wallowing in your victimization. All women and children need to learn how to defend themselves. To quote others 'An armed society is a polite society.'

And for the life of me I haven't figured out how the anti-gun nuts think a gun is the problem. I have an ex who did time at Lansing and he talked about convicts go into solitary and kill some poor smuck with an ilk pen. It's the person not the tool!

Mamma Bear said...

Good for you Phelan....I too am no longer a victim.

I didn't see the candle and gun thing until the day after or I would have posted my own picture.

Anonymous said...

Which is why our 15 year old has her own AR15, and has been taught how too hit, not just where, how to break holds, and to hurt people. She's already flipped a fellow student over her back when he tried to choke her from behind and put him in a submission hold before he knew what had happened. She has her own Kershaw, too. Next up, a Glock 19. I love her too much to believe that she is safe when I'm not around. She's like her mother; mean!

D. Copp

Kallie said...

I must be in the wrong place. Is this part of a gardening blog?

FancyHorse said...

I'm glad you have a gun now, and know how to use it, and are not afraid to use it to protect yourself and your family!

Phelan said...

Gardening doesn't get talked about until March. General homesteading and life is talked about through-out.

Phelan said...

Thank you guys for your comments. Appreciated them.

And I was thinking, with a reply like that (about gardening) to this post, I do think you are in the wrong place.

JenniferO said...

I don't post comments much here, just because I don't usually have something of value to input, but I read your blog daily and I love what you have to say...this is another example of how awesome and real your honesty is and why I stay reading. Your a real women with real experiences and I appriciate that.
Once again, thanks for sharing such a story. You are one strong mama!

CoolChange©© said...


Any 'man' that fears a woman's independence is not a man. Stay on course.

Anonymous said...

I love your blog. I found your butchering how tis and with your help enjoyed some tasty goat stew.
This post is so important. Victims of violence cannot be silenced. When brutal and ugly crimes occur they must be made known. For anyone who doesn't like hearing of such things, does your squeamish heart sincerely feel that your emotions about it are more important than a child who was unable to defend herself? Just like any wound, open it, clean it, than bandage it gently and carry your scar with pride. Phelan, you are a brave woman. And I am so glad that you are in a place where you can say, it will not happen again.

Unknown said...

Phelan, someone once told me - You've never let go of feelings for another person - until you feel nothing. Even feeling the hate is considered still having feelings for that person. The win and the freedom come when you feel - nothing.

To put this particular experience out there for the world to see - to speak of it - to share it with others... Do you realize... YOU just beat him. YOU won.

Twenty years is a long time to survive for this day of winning, Hon!!

Now you can let go of loathing. You just destroyed every reason to loathe it. Now you can enjoy feeling nothing about it. Now you can enjoy absolute freedom from it!

The sooner you do that - the sooner you leave him being the only one living the rest of his life struggling with it - as it should only be - all by himself.

You've made it! Congratulations!

kymber said...

Phelan...the real, honest, ugly, dirty, true experience of everything is something that i have learned to be able to rely on and expect from you. thanks for never letting me down.

your friend,

small farm girl said...

I bet you would shoot his ass now! Just remember that.

Phelan said...

I have told people I believed deserved to know it. I haven't help it in. There are some things in my life that are actually personal, I know hard to believe that one. But I thank you all.

Only reason I made it this public is because of the anti-guns people saying that pro-guns hate "victims". I don't hate them, I just don't want to ever be one again. And I shouldn't have to be. If they take my guns, I will still have my knives, but not everyone can throw knives and be a dead hit. Handguns keep the predator further away from you, not giving him the chance to get you on the ground, or held defenseless.

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