You Never Know just how to look through other people's eyes

I am not enthusiastic about this lifestyle as much as I was in my 20's. Scroll to the past here, and you can see that for yourself. I think I have grown tired. This isn't a very stable life.

Just when it feels like things are going well, something crashes around you. Then you go through the most boring mundane times. However you are nostalgic for those times when the BS happens. No, nothing horrific has happened, just musing I guess.

The boys are in school now, Small needs speech therapy. Large is a TA and Medium ignores it all.

I have grown rather sad, I think. I miss traveling and those adventure. I am becoming restless. Feeling closed in. But that will pass, it has happened before. I am having a personal problem that is heavily contributing to the feelings. But that is one of my odd stories. It's difficult to feel up about everything right now. This work wears on you, and there never seems to be an end in sight. In the firsts years, everything is good, even when it isn't. You took at the trails as an adventure, and dance in the good. But after so many years, it's just down right annoying. You thought you did everything right, but then a curve ball is thrown and you aren't able to hit it in time. Maybe you will get to walk, but most the time it is a strike out.

However I don't resent my choices. I would do it all again of course, perhaps with better planning. If I had known the extent on which I would be homesteading, I would have found larger property. One that still had it's top soil. Yet, that would mean no good neighbor. Choices can be fickle, one outcome isn't always better than the other. I don't dwell on what I have done wrong, though I keep it in the back of my mind so that I do not repeat them. Some mistakes are brutal, and not something I ever wish to relive.

My garden is a famine this year. The flooding then drought has ravaged it. I do not have enough food for the year. That is a hard one to admit, for it is the first time this has happened in 7 years. We have had flooding before, but was able to save it, but this year 3 inches of water stayed in the garden for several days. We tried saving it all, but was unsuccessful. I only have enough ketchup for six months, nothing else survived. (except potatoes and a few cantaloupe) no beans, no carrots, no sweet corns, a little dent corn and sunfllowers, and I do mean a little. This winter will be a struggle. Husband is making some cold frames for this winter, and we will be starting on the wallipinii. I hopefully will have cabbage, brussel sprouts and broccoli, spinach and lettuce for the winter. At this point, I am not holding my breath.

On the better side of things, we should be getting eggs again next month, and we still have 7 turkeys to butcher. If we can get the smoke house built, I can make some sausages with the meat. We will have that at least.

I don't mean to be down about things. Money is fine right now. We have stretched the propane longer than I thought possible, and will have a full tank before winter. Winter, that's another one bothering me. I hate living in a mobile home without central heat. The oven the only source of warmth. I said 5 years ago that this was the last winter I would spend in the cold. Alas! Here we are creeping up on another cold winter.

We have good intentions, plans to have things built. Things get in the way, time slips by, and here we stand with little accomplished. This year has been the worst. Mainly because of the cows out at the farmstead.

I hate woe is me posts. And I woul delete this, but it is all part of the life, my life. I loathe discussing money. Not that it makes me feel weak, just inappropriate. It always makes me feel like I am asking for a hand out when I talk about certain things, even if I know I am not. That would be me being self conscious.

Please no pat on the head comments. My feeling right now are just things I have to go through. Makes the spirit stronger if you make it out of it. And besides, that is not the reason I ever post the negative. You come here to learn about this life, and why should I make it all happy and pleasant like some of the other pop bloggers? I could just keep updating the same o' how-to's if you would like, naw. This is the real life.

Homesteading sucks.

But then again, the rewards you gain can be spectacular. The Neophyte Homestead is just cycling through one of it's bad years. half years? things started off well. Maybe it is mainly me, and my mindset at this time. I will work through it, and the mundane currents. And return with my self deprecating humor, crass statements, and blood on my hands.