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Monday, December 03, 2012

A year of drama

This is purely a cathartic post.

I love writing. I also tend to say things before thinking them through. Yet I never once thought that my words would be so twisted to be used against Husband. It's only because of him that people don't get, let's say confronted, by me.

Husband is my anchor. My guardian that reminds me that there are consequences for my actions. Before Husband I had no fear. Well I still live that full throttle life, he just buffers me. There was this party spot we use to go to called The Bluffs. I never would check to see how high the water was, or if there was debris at the bottom. I just jumped before the boys could find their gumption. I had a very vivid nickname, one that I will not repeat here.

If I didn't like you, you would be informed of it and the details of why. I didn't yell, it was declared in a matter of factly tone. My poor friends felt compelled to defend me with fist a cuffs more than once. However I never asked them to. The only thing I ever expected in a friendship was mutual loyalty. As I have grown older, it is still my only stipulation to friendships. It may seem a bit childish, but my life has been very rough and tumble, filled with male influences. There were many of times we settled our differences through fists. But we always fell to the ground laughing. Female friends for me are very far between. I tend to tick them off and I honestly have no clue why. I figure I am just too vocal about things, and with my expectations of friendship, I am caught off guard by the sudden departure of the friend. (I should add here that loyalty has nothing to do with agreeing with me all the time. Some of my favorite people agree with little of what I have to say, but they will, just as I will, defend each other to those that wish to be aggressive toward one of us)

Husband is such the good man. While I insist people pay their fair share, he insists that they do what they can. I always yield to Husband. He gives people chances we never got, and I admire him for that.

When I was homeless, no one was willing to give me a hand up. Instead I got my act together, and with sheer determination, I was able to work my way back up the socially acceptable ladder. Husband, born into a dirt poor family pushed himself to be better than what people around him told him he was. Then together we created a comfortable life. And people that take advantage of our kindness come out of the wood work.

Husband took a 45% pay cut to help the shop he worked for. He was repairing farm equipment after being laid off from a large motorcycle manufacturer 5 years ago. The shop was desperate for him, and Husband loved working on motorcycles. That first summer the shop finally saw profit. He helped save the shop. I think about those things, and the years he put in to improve the shop. The owner never once actually defending him. Instead Husband overheard him throwing him under the bus to clients multiple times, even when the fault lay squarely on the owner. Things Improved a bit for awhile, but something was always off about that place. I so wanted Husband to leave. But he was a loyal employee, no matter the awfulness that was flung at him by that family. The owner made an attempt to make things right by husband, and I appreciated that. However more times than not, we ended up paying more for his generosity. And I am truly grateful for the trombone, and that money for it will be paid back when we are able to per agreement. If only the females in his life could be banned from having anything to do with us. I don't have to be nice to them anymore. They treated me awfully for years, and all I could do was be polite and ignore it.

Have I mentioned that I absolutely adore Husband. Even after these 16 years. The loyalty I expect in friendships, is the same fierce loyalty I have for him. He still treats me the same way he did when he was courting me all those years ago. He may anchor me in some ways, but I love him all the more for it.

Our hopes for the future is being surrounded by like minded people. Those that help those that help themselves. Where good guys aren't punished for their good deeds. Homesteaders above all else have this mentality. And to be part of the Appalachian Americans way of life, sounds like a fairy tale to us. Husband keeps saying it's like winning the lottery. People actually want us. You have no idea what that feels like. Years and years of being shoved to the ground, and us dusty ourselves off to try again may be rewarded. If I could give Husband the world, I would. So many people have been contacting me in various manners to see how far our new life will be from them. And the offers of help has been much more than I could have ever asked for. We will be having one heck of a housewarming party. The who's who of homestead bloggers convention, Preppers and bookcrossers. It is awe inspiring. Just knowing this has made this Christmas season one of the better ones.

I can't wait to leave the rumors behind. For Husband to be able to work on bikes at his leisure. He has decided to never work to make another man rich again. Working so one man can have multiple Cadillacs, while Husband struggles to keep up on bills is ridiculous. Employees should never suffer because the owner gets over his head in personal finances. This last experience has ruined my trust in people. However Small Farm Girl, the Appletons, and Catherine over on Kentucky holler have allowed me to reinvest myself to that trust.

And you, my dear wonderful readers, you have been there to correct me, to virtually hug me, to root us on, to share our experiences. You have been there to celebrate life with us. To share your love with us when things have gone horribly wrong. Thank you.


small farm girl said...

Awwwwww!!! sniff..... All that mushy stuff aside, we are going to have soooo much fun!!!!!!! hehehehehe. Now I can welcome you on my blog. Yee Haw!!!!

Robbyn said...

And there's your cheering section down here in Florida, too!!!

Judy said...

I don't 'get' the average female either. After taking some psychology and sociology classes I think it is cultural. I see no need in manipulation or illusion to get what I want. I speak what's on my mind. Would you please move that rock over there, or in my case, would you please get whatever that is on the top shelf. Men think that way and I can't figure out why women for the most part don't. It is a lot less stressful, I think.

But for the most part I try to hide behind a grandmotherly veneer in public when I'm out and about. At home, this is my cave, my rules, don't like it, go away.

I really, really hope everything comes together for you and your family.

Carolyn said...

Oh MAN! When I first went a'look'n for property I found a great place in the foothills, but alas, it wasn't meant to be. I'd LOVE to be your neighbor. I was secretly hoping that you would state that your move was taking you to the Ozarks and not the Appalachians. But so glad that you've found other blogging friends to welcome you to your new life!

Felinae said...

So happy for you all. I'm glad you and sfg will be so close to each other, that'll be fun. :)

DFW said...

I have always felt that women are a pain in the butt, even though I am one of them. If you don't speak your mind how will you ever know if your point was made? Plus, to be strong is a talent.

I know many strong women & admire them but there are so many that offer to much b..lsh..t that I don't care to be around them.

Be yourself girl! Those that are true friends will always be there for you.

Cheering for you from the SE!

Anonymous said...

Erin, I feel like I am learning from you. I spent my life totally as your opposite. If someone didn't like me, I'd kiss their ass or give'em whatever I felt they needed to like me. I would never admit I didn't want to do something and I spent many a miserable day trying to fit the mold my family and others were squeezing me into. I admire your bravery and stick-to-it-ness... Congrats...

Yart said...

Damn your not going to be right next door.... That sucks! LOL! But you will be a lot closer... *happy dance*

uncle al said...

You will fall in love with the Appalachians!

Anonymous said...

And.... that's all I've got to say about that!

Aunt D.

Phelan said...

Sfg, yes, yes you can! I am so excited. We are going to get into all kinds of trouble. . . Erm I mean adventures.

Robbyn! Thank you.

Judy, there is something to be said about the art of feminine wiles though. I will admit to using it on occasion. And to see it done smoothly is truly an awe inspiring art. But I wouldn't use all the time or badly. :) and when you are straight forward, it is less stressful becuase no one wants to be around you. Ha!

Carolyn, you aren't the only one that was hoping I would say ozarks. Lol!

Fel, fun? Yes, possibly dangerous, definitely.

DFW, hence why I like homesteaders. :)

Ruth, you have always come across to me as someone that was as blunt as me. No more teeth marks in that lip! Tell em like it is.

Yart, closer, huzzah! We are taking your namesake with us.

Uncle Al, already have :)

Aunt D :D

Yart said...

Thank you for letting me know, I was kind of scared to ask.... LOL!

Wendy said...

I'm so happy for you that you've found a better place! My father's family is from southeastern Kentucky - way, way, way back (family members have traced our lineage in that area back a couple hundred years). In fact, there's a road in some hollow in Knox County that's named after my family ;).

Mountain people are good folk. I'm glad to hear that you've found a new home there.

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