This is purely a cathartic post.
I love writing. I also tend to say things before thinking them through. Yet I never once thought that my words would be so twisted to be used against Husband. It's only because of him that people don't get, let's say confronted, by me.
Husband is my anchor. My guardian that reminds me that there are consequences for my actions. Before Husband I had no fear. Well I still live that full throttle life, he just buffers me. There was this party spot we use to go to called The Bluffs. I never would check to see how high the water was, or if there was debris at the bottom. I just jumped before the boys could find their gumption. I had a very vivid nickname, one that I will not repeat here.
If I didn't like you, you would be informed of it and the details of why. I didn't yell, it was declared in a matter of factly tone. My poor friends felt compelled to defend me with fist a cuffs more than once. However I never asked them to. The only thing I ever expected in a friendship was mutual loyalty. As I have grown older, it is still my only stipulation to friendships. It may seem a bit childish, but my life has been very rough and tumble, filled with male influences. There were many of times we settled our differences through fists. But we always fell to the ground laughing. Female friends for me are very far between. I tend to tick them off and I honestly have no clue why. I figure I am just too vocal about things, and with my expectations of friendship, I am caught off guard by the sudden departure of the friend. (I should add here that loyalty has nothing to do with agreeing with me all the time. Some of my favorite people agree with little of what I have to say, but they will, just as I will, defend each other to those that wish to be aggressive toward one of us)
Husband is such the good man. While I insist people pay their fair share, he insists that they do what they can. I always yield to Husband. He gives people chances we never got, and I admire him for that.
When I was homeless, no one was willing to give me a hand up. Instead I got my act together, and with sheer determination, I was able to work my way back up the socially acceptable ladder. Husband, born into a dirt poor family pushed himself to be better than what people around him told him he was. Then together we created a comfortable life. And people that take advantage of our kindness come out of the wood work.
Husband took a 45% pay cut to help the shop he worked for. He was repairing farm equipment after being laid off from a large motorcycle manufacturer 5 years ago. The shop was desperate for him, and Husband loved working on motorcycles. That first summer the shop finally saw profit. He helped save the shop. I think about those things, and the years he put in to improve the shop. The owner never once actually defending him. Instead Husband overheard him throwing him under the bus to clients multiple times, even when the fault lay squarely on the owner. Things Improved a bit for awhile, but something was always off about that place. I so wanted Husband to leave. But he was a loyal employee, no matter the awfulness that was flung at him by that family. The owner made an attempt to make things right by husband, and I appreciated that. However more times than not, we ended up paying more for his generosity. And I am truly grateful for the trombone, and that money for it will be paid back when we are able to per agreement. If only the females in his life could be banned from having anything to do with us. I don't have to be nice to them anymore. They treated me awfully for years, and all I could do was be polite and ignore it.
Have I mentioned that I absolutely adore Husband. Even after these 16 years. The loyalty I expect in friendships, is the same fierce loyalty I have for him. He still treats me the same way he did when he was courting me all those years ago. He may anchor me in some ways, but I love him all the more for it.
Our hopes for the future is being surrounded by like minded people. Those that help those that help themselves. Where good guys aren't punished for their good deeds. Homesteaders above all else have this mentality. And to be part of the Appalachian Americans way of life, sounds like a fairy tale to us. Husband keeps saying it's like winning the lottery. People actually want us. You have no idea what that feels like. Years and years of being shoved to the ground, and us dusty ourselves off to try again may be rewarded. If I could give Husband the world, I would. So many people have been contacting me in various manners to see how far our new life will be from them. And the offers of help has been much more than I could have ever asked for. We will be having one heck of a housewarming party. The who's who of homestead bloggers convention, Preppers and bookcrossers. It is awe inspiring. Just knowing this has made this Christmas season one of the better ones.
I can't wait to leave the rumors behind. For Husband to be able to work on bikes at his leisure. He has decided to never work to make another man rich again. Working so one man can have multiple Cadillacs, while Husband struggles to keep up on bills is ridiculous. Employees should never suffer because the owner gets over his head in personal finances. This last experience has ruined my trust in people. However Small Farm Girl, the Appletons, and Catherine over on Kentucky holler have allowed me to reinvest myself to that trust.
And you, my dear wonderful readers, you have been there to correct me, to virtually hug me, to root us on, to share our experiences. You have been there to celebrate life with us. To share your love with us when things have gone horribly wrong. Thank you.