I should never have said I was giving in. That was wrong of me. The letter and my absence from this blog is due to several factors, and ultimately I allowed stress to dictate my emotions. It shouldn't have happened. But this blog is about real life, not a fantasy farm. And we are facing so many hard decisions, so many disappointments. . .
I had to buy store bought ketchup for the first time in 5 years. First thing Small asked about it, "Will this taste weird?" Yes son, it will.
But it is all part of the experience. I have always tried to look at things as a growing experience, as a new story to tell no matter what it is. I was wrong to give up not only on myself, but on you. You as my reader, my friend, and advice giver. I do need you, if only for a sounding board. I need myself to stay in the game because it is what I want.
I want to grow, not merely survive.
It was a couple of things that showed me that I was wrong to break up with you. The biggest has to be the character reference letters that I have been receiving. I need them for a business I am opening. And when they repeated each other as I am not one to give in easily, well it has made me take a look at myself.
I am still homesteading, still on our track to self sufficiency (at least as much as possible). We are struggling to find enough feed for the cattle, but I think we might be able to pull it off without butchering so many of the them. It's all in what we are willing to sacrifice to allow them and the homestead to thrive.
I hope you will accept my apology.