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Wednesday, March 03, 2010

I have a good excuse

I am missing a full week. I know it was there, I can reread about some of it here, but my brain says it never happened. I was watching Torchwood the other night and one of the characters fiance had early onset Alzheimer. As I watched her unable to find the word for milk I became visibly upset. (she didn't have Alzheimer, she had a alien in her brain, I don't have an alien I merely have brain damage) I get frustrated, upset, then angry when it happens, and it has been happening for longer periods then it use to. Husband gets frustrated as well. And he talks down to me. He grasps the medical whats and hows this is happening, but to understand it emotionally is difficult for him. I still love him. It scares him as much as it scares me. But we will get through this. And no, there is nothing they can do for it.

Now this surprised me. You remember Courage, our American Milking Shorthorn heifer? Both her parents are polled, yet look what I found the other day.



I wasn't expecting this. Winston's horns started coming in within a month or so of birth. Courage came in either so slowly that they went unnoticed, or fast and late. Either way I don't mind, I like horns.

Had to send a note to school with Small.

The Goat ate my homework

And husband is happy, the customers at the shop love the new paint on our bike. You can see photos of it on my other blog.


SkippyMom said...

Phelan I had no idea - I can't imagine how hard that must be, but I have to wonder how much of a good idea it would be for you to live on the homestead without your hubby until you guys can get everything worked out if you are suffering from this.

Sorry I just worry and I want what is best for you. Take care. And remember: Milk is milk, 'kay? ;D

Phelan said...

I have talked about this before, even posted about it when I was writing for Not dabbling in normal.

The here and now is ok, it is word recollection I have problems with. Sometimes long term memory vanishes. The frequency of words vanishing happens right before a migraine, and time loss happens after. Kind of like a seizure. I don't behave oddly, because I remember as it is happening, it is recalling that time period that can be an issue. As long as no one wants to know what I had for dinner last week, it shouldn't effect the farm thing without husband. Large is pretty good about guess what I need when the word for it no longer there for me.

Does that makes sense?

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Kyddryn said...

Oh, Mizz Phelan, I feel ya...I lost chunks of memory to a medication that did more harm than good (quit taking it because the cure was worse than the disease)...and once in a while, when speaking (but not writing, I've no idea why) I can't recall a simple word and have to play verbal charades until the person with whom I'm speaking gets my intent. So frustrating! And years, whole years, are just gone! I can recall with perfect clarity what happened when I was six, but not when I was nineteen. I may not have ever been nineteen (can't prove it by me) I get a do-over??

I wish you well...

Meanwhile...the goat pic is priceless!

Shade and Sweetwater,

HermitJim said...

I can only imagine just how frustrating that can be! Hope that things get settled down a bit.

Do you think that maybe a little of it could be stress related? Just wondering...!

Bob from Athens said...

I know exactly what you are going through, I am having the same experience. I can be having a conversation or typing and all of a sudden I don't know what word comes next, frustrating to say the least. Amazing for me is how many people can't seem to understand what we are going through. I had a spell with arthritis a few years back and could not even walk for about three months, I personally feel this forgetting words is about the same as far as you don't know what you have until you lose it and have to set there and watch or listen to other people carrying on normally.
Hang in there, at least you have friends and family that love and support you, not everyone has those resources.

Phelan said...

TomJay, thank you but I will have to pass. I do not advertise things. The items I have on my side bar are either items I have myself or I wrote. I will leave your comment (even though it could be considered spam) because you were polite about it, and one of my readers might be interested.

Kyddryn, It is easier to write around words, but recalling something on the spot can be problematic. When I write I can come across as harsh or speaking down to people, and part of that is the fact that I have to write around a simple word, that and I know big words ;). Did you look into a different med for you? I wish mine was med related, then maybe something could be done about it. But what I have is degenerative, and will only get worse, never better. oh woe is me :D :D The goat is cute. ain't he?

HermitJim, I would love to tell you that it is stress related, but it isn't. However stress can make it worse. My migraines over the years have cause the same damage that a traumatic head injury would cause in an instant. only to get worse each time I have a migraine. If only we could stop my migraines. At this time, there has been no miracle drugs to stop all 4 kinds of migraines I suffer from. Thank you friend.

Bob, it's difficult when people get so upset with you, like you are playing some sick game with them. I give up most of the time. This morning I told Small that I was going to burn laundry. He was horrified. I knew I said it wrong, I could hear husband giggling in the other room, and he corrected me for Small's sake. The poor boy thought he was going to go naked. And my thought was at least I filled in the blank and didn't have o spend the next 5 minutes describing trash. I know Bob, maybe we can fill in the blanks for each other, it might make and interesting game of Mad Libs.

Kelle said...

I can somewhat relate, but my memory loss is to deal with stress. I'm sorry you are having such struggles, homesteading is hard enough and dealing with migranes is no picnic either, my Dh gets them.

I agree I like horns too. Funny when we brought our dexters home, first thing all the area ranchers and our friends said," Oh look at those horn, you'll need to dehorn her( our cow Addy)!" I said we picked her because she had good conformation, a nice udder and horns! They look at you like you are nuts, LOL!!!! Addy, or Button have never tried to do anything with their horns. Button tried to play a few times, but got popped on the end of the nose and told NO!

Holding you in our daily prayers. BTW, love the pain job on your bike!

Rainbow Rivers said...

Phelan, I can imagine the frustrations you must have at times. My eldest daughter was born with Cerebral Palsy when she was born 2 1/2 months early and it effects her short term memory. I remember the frustration between her and myself just trying to get her to retain spelling words long enough to pass the test with a C. I know at times it really bothers her but for the most part has learned to adapt and live with it.

You must have days that are real hard for you but here on the blog, you sure have no loss for words and write beautifully! You really are an amazing woman and I always enjoy reading what you have to say!

Ms. Burrows said...

Wow, that must be tough. But it sounds like you handle it all well.

The kids is cute. I remember when my sis was little and was so excited she won two dollars at school. It was a huge deal. She ran around showing it off. She waved it in front of the goat because she was so excited. Bad move. She cried for the rest of the night.

Bellen said...

Phelan - I know what it is like to not be able to recall a word. Mine is age/heredity related. My sister is a speech pathologist and told me the correct term is "word recall syndrome". Since I have a name for it, it makes me feel better. That is until hubby or son starts finishing thoughts for me until I can catch up.

It does make for an interesting conversation however, ever try to get Mel Gibson's name by describing his movies when you can't remember the movie titles? On the other hand I know and can recall lots of weird facts - like what a gill measurement is and the fact that it is still used in Scotland for alcohol.

Keep on keeping on and I hope you can find a cure for the migraines.

Donna said...

Hi Phelan,
You know we are here keeping you in our prayers,and I understand what you and your husband are going through. Rick too loses days.It will be Weds and he will think it's Sunday and have no recollection of any day in between. He also has problems with word memory,and for the last six months he tends to drag out some of his words,but we don't know if it's the effects of the meds or if he is trying to keep up with the thoughts as they come along. Sometimes I too, get frustrated when he can't find the right word or when he forgets things we have said or done,but for me I think it's more feeling the anger and frustration at the cirmcumstances,and seeing what Rick has to deal with,than anything else. Do you think that might be where some of your husband's reactions are stemming from?
Much love, Donna

Phelan said...

Kelle, everyone says that to me as well, you need to get rid of the horns. I prefer horns at least with them discipline is a lot easier, the nose swat doesn't always work. Happy to hear you like the paint. I will let husband know. In case you missed it, that is all of our hand prints done in our birth stones.

Rainbow Rivers, some days are harder then others. The one great thing about writing, is that I can take my time and write around lost words. Thank you!

Mrs Burrows, haha!

Bellen, I too have a name for mine, it is one of the 18 letter Latin words that the only vowel is E, at the beginning. ha! Some days I feel like I am Stephen King, writing 4 pages just to describe a hat.

Donna, sorry to hear Rick does he same thing. Husband might be just as frustrated over his lack of control to be able to help me. Some days he deals with it better then others.

You know guys it really isn't so bad, just remember that soon I won't remember that I have this problem. ;)

goatlady said...

The goat pic is great. I laughed when I saw it. A Teacher can't argue with a picture.

FancyHorse said...

My son has that word recall problem. He has petit mal epilepsy from a head injury, and doesn't know if the word recall is from the head injury itself or from the epilepsy meds. He also can't remember most of his childhood.

I'm glad you have a loving family, and a sense of humor!

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