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Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Thinking about Thinking

If you don't have a calendar, the New Year is quickly coming upon us. For generations this day has given us the opportunity to start fresh. And in a way, that's what I am hoping for.

There are some things coming up this new year that frighten me. But I know that these things, changes, are important and required if I am to survive this life style. I must do them to be able to grow and become the person I feel I must be. Of course there are doubts that I really an this person. I am a suburban gal. I love the opera, and death metal concerts. And I like that the store is only 15 minutes away. But I also love the quiet, scratching the cattle, getting muddy, butchering our own food and watching my children play with the calf's. And yes, even mucking out the barn has it's simplistic pleasure (maybe sadistic?)

But as I think on it, I haven't been to an opera or a concert in a long time. I rarely go to the store. Truthfully I find myself becoming more and more isolated where I am. I rarely see friends. And it does get lonely at times. My poor neighbors, when ever I go to see them, or them me, I tend to talk their ears off. I know I am doing it, and I try to stop it, but I keep going and find new irrelevant things to discuss. At those moments I know I don't want to be alone. I am having a hard time imagining what it's going to be like next year.

But I am staying positive about everything we plan to do. I indeed need a new adventure in my life. I foresee the happiness that has the potential to be there, even if it will be a little lonely. I have my family after all. And of course the animals.

It all does sound rather depressing, doesn't it? Ah, but that happens from time to time. I am not feeling it right now however. Today I find myself in great spirits. Laughing and joking with Large and Small (medium is at his Mima's).

I am looking forward to all the changes and tribulations that will be ushered in with 2010. Who couldn't be, after all it is a whole new year.


HermitJim said...

I think that all of us go into the New Year, knowing that it will be full of changes...some good and some bad!

We can't help being just a little depressed about some things, but I think that if we keep the mind set that we will just do as we have always done and deal with it...then things will somehow work out OK!

We try and plan for the unknown, find pleasure in the simple things, and keep our head up...all while trying to cover our butts! Kind of exciting in it's own way, isn't it?

Hey, you have a very good New Year, my friend!

Phelan said...

oh I'm not depressed about it. At this point not too much worse can happen to me. I have been through just about everything, save a nuke.

You have a great new years as well! This time I'll bring the coffee, have a feeling we'll need it.

SkippyMom said...

Perhaps if you take the word "tribulations" out of your venacular and try to think positive things might improve?

You aren't kidding about all that has happened, but at least none of it is your fault. Perhaps 2010 will reward you and there will be no tribulations, just good changes.

A positive attitude goes a long way - believe me. Since my diagnosis I hardly leave our home - maybe once a month in two years, except for Doctor appointments and our week at the beach - but I make the most of it and try and stay positive. It is all good.

You don't have to feel isolated even tho' your circumstances might dictate that you are. Trust me.

I see a good 2010 for you Phelan. Just wait.

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