It is what it is

I have been purposely staying away. Not that I don’t like you, it is the stench of failure that I can’t seem to scrub off of me that keeps me from approaching. I have tried specialized soaps, and fancy deodorants. Even expensive perfumes. But it always seems to linger there, flutter around sensitive noses.

Ah, but here’s the thing, I am overwhelmingly stressed, even smoking more than normal, but not complaining. Why am I not complaining? Because it could be so much more worse. I know it can, I have been there. I have hit rock bottom in my past, and what is happening now, isn’t quite the bottom. It is rather low however, and it is something that we are scrambling and clawing our way out of.

So without to much gritching, here is the run down of things.

We found a hay guy that we can afford. Unfortunately his so called brome is full of twigs and so light that I can lift it up over end without assistance. The ladies devour an entire round bale in 4 days. A normal bale takes them 2 weeks. The sheer costs of buying 4 bales in 2 weeks is ridiculous. We should have just bought the $80 bales. However we might have a line on some decent brome at the same cost as this junk in another week. However, we need another bale to make it until that time. Husband is going to go talk to our old hay guy and see if we can work anything out. I worry about my girls. I don’t think they are getting enough this brome. Thus I have not drawn any milk from them in over a month. I didn’t realize how much milk I actually used until I stopped using it.

Urth, I believe is pregnant by Undies. No worries, they are not related in any way. She has the belly hang of a pregnant heifer. Urth is my baby. I would love to have more cows with her disposition. She is incredibly sweet, seems to relish in any and all attention I am willing to give her. Scratching behind her ears and belly, allowing me to use her as a back rest as I sit in the field and read. Licking me hands or jeans in affection. It is like have a 500 lbs dog. As long as she doesn’t decide that she’s a lap dog, I think we are all good.

Winston is getting huge. His horns are coming in slowly, one side faster than the other. Even at birth he was larger than Winnona who is a month older. Winnona dwarfs in comparison to Winston. we thought the Winnona would be a petite little girl, and I think we might have been right.

Our phone has been turned off. It wasn’t a priority for us, and we were unable to finagle the funds to pay. It really doesn’t bother us too much. Large was the only one that really got phone calls. After the new year we are hoping to get Satellite internet, with phone. It costs the same as the two sperate. The only thing that bothers me about not having a phone is the my s-i-l is due to have a baby boy any time, and my husband’s niece as well. I think Husband’s sister is due to have her baby in th next couple of months. But to be honest I don’t know because I don’t really care. I don’t think she should be so selfish as to bring another child into her life. I could tell you why and the entire sorted stories, but it takes too long. We shall just say that she doesn’t behave like she ever wanted her other 2 girls. She rather pawn them off on family members and party.

We are expecting a high of 38F today and only 1 inch of snow. This is the first dose of winter for this end year. Usually we have had something by now. Which it is indeed fine that this is it so far. We are not really ready for it, as we have no venting system for our furnace right now. Husband pulled it out because several years ago the wild cats that belonged to the homesteads previous owners had torn the flimsy aluminum when we neglected to feed them. The heat was blowing under then house more than in. There was a legitimate plan to replace it. But alas, that takes money that we don’t have right now. We have a space heater and the oven going, and right now the house is comfortable. As long as there isn’t a harsh wind, we should be able to keep this place decently comfortable.

Well I think I have been talking long enough. I do have some upcoming winter projects. Things I can do for free, things to improve the homestead or at least our quality of life. Husband and I have been arguing a bit, but because we rarely argue in the first place (and I do mean rarely) I think we will be fine through all this. We have been through a lot more, this should be nothing but a sad little note in our history together. It is lasting longer than I expected, but I do have a scheme, and I believe that it will work.

Until next time, later my friends.